I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
