She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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