I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
