I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
