at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
