Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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