When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
