They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
