she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
