Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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