the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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