a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
