i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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