He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
