you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
