she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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