So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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