So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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