she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
