Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
