saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
