why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
