What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
