She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
