You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
