after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
