May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
