Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pants are for mortals
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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