Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize