so explain again why im purple
no
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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