just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
