THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
