Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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