my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
