the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize