Sry I called you an 8
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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