Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
