I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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