My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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