we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
