im six kinds of drunk right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
