I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
