i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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