also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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