Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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