Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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