So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
