census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
