the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
