FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
