Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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