my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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