Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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