the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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