why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
