i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
