i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
