so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
