The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
